The truth about my Vietnam War Era service

Given what has recently been revealed about Connecticut senatorial candidate Richard Blumenthal's Vietnam War experience, I figure it was about time to come clean about my own. Despite what some may have written about my extensive and valorous stint as a soldier, I now must admit that, having been too young to cook or shave (much less enlist), I spent most of the war in Cincinnati, Ohio, in a Catholic elementary school.

Boy, it feels good to get that off my chest.