So, on this beautiful weekend, I had my first experience of playing a sport (in the real world) after spending the past few months doing it on Wii...

...and, while I'm still unsure whether it was my having (too) high an expectation on what was our very first trip to a tennis court since last Fall or that Wii tennis really has screwed up what little forehand I had to begin with, I can assure you my tennis was at least as bad as it ever have been.

I was too close to the ball. I was not close enough. I was early on my swing. I was late...

Yikes.

I almost forgot...

...last night, I shot a 6-under (for 9 holes) in Wii Golf!

I know I shouldn't be carrying...

...those 20-year-old Ping square-grooved wedges in my Wii golf bag, but, man, my Mii just went 4-under on 9 holes!

It may not be cheating, per se, and I kinda feel dirty, but my game's on fire.

According to reports, Tiger Woods is being treated...

...for sex addiction at some facility somewhere. (I wasn't paying close attention, to be honest.) Treatment includes a chastity pledge. The head of the facility, according to the report, is taking a "hands-on approach" with his famous patient.

That language seems less than felicitous, if you ask me.

(On a golf-related note, I played my first nine-hole game of Wii golf -- 3 holes each of the beginner, intermediate, and expert levels -- and scored a 3-under-par! I felt so good, I wanted to let my Mii go out and pick up some NYC "hostess/party girls".)

Santa brought the Gigliotti household a Wii...

...and to my dismay, I'm enjoying it tremendously.

My younger daughter thinks my Mii is a perfect rendering of her father, but I'm not sure how to take that.

I'm boxing my brains out (as it were) and have beaten down the aforesaid ten-year-old TWICE not to mention all the sundry Mii competition!

(Sports I've actually played before -- like tennis -- are at times oddly more difficult than I think they should be. I'm not saying I'm good at real tennis, but I'm pretty sure I've never swung a backhand when the ball was going to my forehand side!?!!? Can't figure out what's going on there. Then again, I'm gettin' strikes and spares at unusually high rates, considering my bowling skills.)

HOWEVER, on the plus plus plus side, according to the undeniably scientific gauge of the Wii fitness age calculation...you're reading the blog of a 31-year-old!

Booyah! Wait 'til my cardiologist hears that!

Now HERE'S an idea...

My wife and daughters keep talking about getting ourselves a Wii -- those game systems that allow you to play tennis, baseball, or the cello; bowl; box; pitch; and/or do long division (okay maybe not that last one) instead of actually going out to do any of those things.

Now, regular readers would think that such a thing would be right up my (bowling) alley. They'd be wrong. Call me old-fashioned, but, if you're going to bowl or play tennis or box, then, unless you live in an assisted living facility, get thee to a bowling alley, a tennis court, or a Gold's Gym. The odds are that the vast majority of Wii-owners do have the mobility to go out and participate in all these activities, so why do them virtually?

Don't worry, I do know why, but I needed a set up for this:

For those of us who,

on the one hand, have neither the intellectual capacity nor the extensive experience that can foster such feelings,

and,

on the other, are quite good at lying around the house,

I suggest a new gaming system that allows for inactivity within a virtual space where one's worldliness just weighs you down.

It's name?

You guessed it:

EN-Wii