I bet this'll actually catch on eventually (i.e., the NESTER protest not the Holster one)

In light of this recent memo:

The CCSU Riflery & Marksmanship student club will be conducting a weeklong protest, April 20 through April 24, by wearing empty holsters on campus. Their purpose is to protest “state laws and school policies barring licensed citizens from carrying concealed handguns on campus.” As a point of fact, the University is committed to both State Executive Order #16 and the Student Code of Conduct, which prohibit guns in the workplace and on campus.

The students’ protest is of course a protected expression of their First Amendment rights. I am notifying the campus only because an empty holster could be mistaken for a holstered weapon and could cause undue alarm. This could easily happen, for example, if one of the students happens to place his or her cell phone in the holster.

Student Affairs staff have been meeting with the club regularly. Information about the protest, from the president of the Riflery & Marksmanship club, has been posted on Pipeline. And as part of the protest, the Riflery Club will be holding an open forum on Monday, April 20, at 2:30 in the Clock Tower Room, Student Center.

Mark Warren McLaughlin, Ph.D.
Associate Vice President
Marketing & Communications
Central Connecticut State University

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I sent out this one:

The CCSU Empty Nester (EN) club will be conducting a weeklong protest by carrying empty nests on campus. Their purpose is to protest "the really crappy economy's forcing students to return home and screw up their parents' lives (again).”

As a point of fact, the University is committed to its motto, "Start with a Dream, and Just Finish Already," which really encourages new grads to get jobs but, more importantly, their own apartments.

The protest is of course a protected expression of their First Amendment rights. I am notifying the campus only because an empty nester could be mistaken for an unloving parent and could cause undue alarm. This could easily happen, for example, if one of the EN-ers happens to say, quite pointedly, "But...but...but...we don't want to have to move the treadmill out of your old room and back to the basement! Besides, we sold your bedroom set to buy the treadmill."

Student Affairs staff and family counselors have been meeting with the EN-ers regularly. The import of the protest can be judged by the number of Viagra TV commercials that suggest, when the kids are gone, quite often mom and dad are hard at it.

And, as part of the protest, the EN Club will be holding a workshop on "How to Change the Locks Without Hiring a Locksmith" on Friday, April 24th, at 2:30 in the Key Office, East Hall.

Gilbert Warren McGigliotti, Ph.D.
Wannabe Vice President of, well, Anything They’re Willing to Throw My Way
Central Connecticut State University

No More "Foggy Days" in My Pants!

Like many, if not most, of us men, I suffer from the embarrassing problem of...well...uh...you know...a great deal of...of spam in my inbox.

And it just so happens that the vast majority of it focuses on my apparent lack of size in the "manliness" department.

While many of the titles of these messages stretch the bounds of effective metaphor and clever euphemism, I've finally received one that speaks my language: the language of the Great American Songbook!

The title of the spam reads "The Age of Miracles hasn't past [sic]," which, of course, is an allusion, albeit a misspelled one, to the ending of a wonderful Gershwin and Gershwin song, originally introduced by Fred Astaire, "A Foggy Day (in London Town):"

...How long, I wondered, could this thing last?
but the Age of Miracles hadn't passed;
for suddenly I saw you there,
and in foggy London Town the sun was shining everywhere!

I almost wanted to open the email and risk an e-virus because, if a George and Ira composition can't sell successful lovemakin', what can? Goodness knows, that "Viva Viagra" campaign isn't cutting it!

I'd also suggest a trio of other G & G titles for those Viagra or Cialis ads:

"Could You Use Me?"

"[My] Love is Here to Stay [Up]"

and, of course, the ever-popular

"(We are) Bronco Busters"!