Milestones

31 August 2009

First day of high school for older daughter

First day of fifth grade for younger daughter

First day of the last year as English Department chairman for me

70th anniversary of Sinatra's recording of "All or Nothing at All" with the Harry James Orchestra

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

And when I wasn't watching golf these last three days I was asking these questions:

1) At what point was Teddy Kennedy elected "Lion of the Senate"?

2) Does the U.S. Senate have other "animal" positions too? "Penguin of the Senate" (my younger daughter would LOVE that!), "Viper of the Senate," "Gecko of the Senate," "Marsupial of the Senate," "Bull of the Senate," "Gadfly of the Senate"...

3) Given how often the "Lion of the Senate" title was uttered during the festivities, couldn't one of the networks or news channels have played "Hakuna Matata" or "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" at least once?

4) Can he really claim 47 years' service when a) his brother Jack's Senate seat was held exclusively for him by friends and family until he was old enough to be elected and b) he was elected to it about a decade before really being anything close to qualified for the Senate?

5) Over/under: 217 -- the number of times, with straight faces, pundits and announcers alike said: "He was intensely human, for he had, to be sure, his share of failings." (Yes, and Albert Pujols has his share of home runs....)

Let's face it, if we had to list the top 5 lions, Ted wouldn't be anywhere close:

King Leonardo and His Short Subjects
The MGM Lion
Drooper from the Banana Splits
The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill (nota bene the adjective!)
The Cowardly Lion (as brought to life by Bert Lahr)

some runners-up:

The lions in John Wesley Harding's song "Darwin"
The lions in Born Free
Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia
The Lion in Androcles and the Lion

At least this couch potato is also talking about couches...

I've been sick since Friday morning and, as a result, watched a lot of The Barclays, the first round of the PGA Playoffs for the Fed Ex Cup.

The golf was fine --- it got a bit crowded at the top of the leaderboard in the final round today which made things interesting. Tiger Woods came in tied for second again. If he had birdied the final hole, as he had a real chance at doing, he'd have forced a playoff, but he missed that putt. (While not what he wanted, he just needs to remember that his idol, Jack Nicklaus, holds the record for most runners-up in tournaments.) And that's what is so remarkable about his play: no matter how poorly he's doing something (driving or putting or chipping or...) his game is so great that he almost always manages to remain in serious contention. So, yes, he didn't win a Major this year (although he won 5 other tournaments), but in the three Majors he did finish (having missed the cut barely in the Open Championship), he was still finished in the top 10 in each. For anyone else that'd be a heckuva year; for Tiger watchers it's an unsuccessful one....

But that's not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about Jim Nantz's taste in furniture! Jim Nantz, the main CBS anchor for golf, football, the Final Four, and whatever else the brass can find for him, is the spokesman for Furnitureland South. If, in fact, the shots of him in various rooms in the commercials are, in fact, from his actual "dream home" and not some showroom display, he has godawful taste, overdone in every way.

Now, I realize de gustibus non disputandum, and, who knows, maybe he got all of it for free, but, man, if your voiceover script reads "When I built my dream home"... you should make damn sure you surround yourself with better chandeliers, dining room sets, and overstuffed chairs than the stuff shown in the ad. I'll bet you Jimmy's good buddy, the former president and father figure, "41," George H.W. Bush, wouldn't be caught dead kicking back in any of those rooms.

The Cubists must've been visionaries...

...because the effect so remarkably depicted in Duchamp's 1912 "Nude Descending a Staircase" perfectly captures the television picture I'm still getting on every channel above 19 on my Comcast cable system.

Now, instead of a nude, imagine watching Sergio Garcia missing a putt on the Golf Channel!

One of my proudest (or perhaps most shameful) moments...

I met Julia, the daughter of my friend and colleague Mary, probably about two years ago. While her mother did some things in her office, Julia and I talked in mine about a number of topics like theatre and the rowing class on the Connecticut River that her mother had her take.

"Rowing?", I asked. "You Mom makes you row? That's what the Romans had their slaves do. The most you should ever have to do in a boat that needs oars is to bang the drum that sets the beat with which the rowers keep time!"

Mary, I should add, is the author of the forthcoming American Idle: A Journey Through Our Sedentary Culture, and very very active. (I offered to be the poster boy for the book, but she and her publisher chose an overstuffed recliner instead. I say, "Six of one, half-a-dozen...") I also should note that the track coach at my high school was Fr. Jim Ryan ("NOT Jim Ryun," he would always make clear), whose motto was "Motion is exhausting."



All of this is just a prelude to an email I received recently from Mary about a trip she and Julia took to California. It read:

Gil

So Julia and I are standing in the John Muir woods outside of San Francisco at the head of an 'Ocean View" Trail. I am bouncing with excitement about this great, steep climb and Julia is sitting on a wooden step thinking, sort of like Pooh-bear with his honey pot.

She says, "Mom, I can't help but think, 'What would Gil do?' and I know that Gil would say, "Let's look at a few trees and go get a muffin."

So that's what we did.....

mary

With tears of pride welling up, I could only respond that 1) I was sorry indeed for corrupting her daughter but 2) think WWGD bracelets could make it very big!


PS: And Julia had it just slightly wrong: I'd never go for a muffin, if there's a doughnut to be had.

What are you? Def?!!!

Getting home from the Delaware shore, we were greeted by a box containing two "Digital Transfer Adaptors" for our two peripheral televisions (bedroom and basement).

If you're anything like me, you ask "Why?"

From the Comcast website:

Comcast is upgrading its Expanded Basic Cable* channel lineup to digital-quality signals on all TVs connected to Comcast. These new changes will allow Comcast to offer over 1000 HD choices and access to over 10,000 On Demand titles. In addition, these upgrades allow us to complete additional changes that will deliver much faster Internet access speeds and smarter phone service.

My younger daughter and and I opened the package, read the instructions, and started the easy installations. One worked (bedroom), one didn't (basement), and the main cable box wasn't giving us any channels above 19 (The Weather Channel). (No Mad Men tonight?!!) Three calls to Comcast later, no real improvement, and the diagnosis is that, at least in the two problematic televisions, we're suffering from a "low signal," so we set up an appointment for a service call (12 days from now).

Not to protest my masculinity too much, but please note that the "low signal" problem wasn't in the bedroom. Whew. ;)

As I cursed this High Definition world in which we have been forced to live (what exactly was the problem with analog broadcasting again?), I determined that I'm simply a Low Def guy...content to be not the sharpest nail in the toolbox, a little vague around the edges, and colorful if a wee bit dim.

Remember three networks (and public television and some uhf channels)? That collapse may be a bigger blunder than breaking up Ma Bell (and replacing those cool princess phones or others with heft enough for Russell Crowe to do some damage with for devices you can keep in your pocket, receive and send email, find a restaurant -- there's an app for that! --, take photos, tweet, and...)

I'd trade all that for a phone you can feel satisfied about when hanging up angrily.

***********************

Postscript: a few hours later the signal must have gotten stronger because we're getting the channels now. Gotta cancel the service call, but the good thing is I have some time!

Snippets from the Delaware Shore (II)

"Never turn your back to the ocean."