My top four predicted findings from tomorrow's age-appropriate colonoscopy

4.  That they will find every piece of gum I've ever swallowed (and I swallow most of 'em)!

3.  That there will be no sign of any of the many, many, many books that I've devoured over my first fifty years of life.

2.  That there will be an unnaturally pinkish hue from my history of Hostess Snoballs.

and, finally,

1.  That there will be evidence that I have, not unlike much of the American public, swallowed a whole bunch of hooey, such as:

No, no, no, not the cereal, per se (which admittedly I DID love), but the claim that the "sugary sweet cereal [will give the consumer] 100% of the minimum daily requirements of vitamins and iron established by the U.S. Government."

Ah, stick it in your...

On the radio, lately, there has been a spate of commercials for a new thermometer that a parent simply places on a child's forehead -- since using an aural one is so "uncomfortable"!

Are they kidding me? In the realm of thermometer placement, the ear's a walk in the park.

Not to sound bitter, but it's further amazing to me that any child today could complain about the taste of medicine.

On top of that, kids today have the capability to watch their favorite shows at any point and as often as they want.

Color me jealous.