04 July 2017

Top 7 Things I Hope My Cardiac Surgeon Does...

...before, during, and after my aortic valve replacement surgery (Nota bene: a surgery to replace the worn-out valve that, in 2001, replaced the bad valve I was born with):

7. Learn, if he hasn't already, Nick Lowe's "My Heart Hurts;"

6. Enter operating room to Frank Sinatra and Tommy Dorsey's version of Irving Berlin's "Be Careful, It's My Heart:"
                           Be careful; it's my heart.
                           It's not my watch you're holding;
                           it's my heart.
                           It's not the note I sent you
                           that you quickly burned.
                           It's not the book I lent you
                           that you never returned

5. Marvel at the Nathaniel-Hawthorne-fan-boy scarlet A tattooed upon my chest;

4. Remind everyone in the operating room it's "Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey;"

3. Well, THIS:

2. Stop suddenly mid-point in the operation and ask the others sotto voce, "Shhhhhhh. Does anyone else hear strings zinging?";

And the #1 thing I hope my cardiac surgeon does:

Upon finishing the operation, dramatically drop the scalpel, throw his hands up, turn quickly, and exit the room without a word.

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