My top four predicted findings from tomorrow's age-appropriate colonoscopy

4.  That they will find every piece of gum I've ever swallowed (and I swallow most of 'em)!

3.  That there will be no sign of any of the many, many, many books that I've devoured over my first fifty years of life.

2.  That there will be an unnaturally pinkish hue from my history of Hostess Snoballs.

and, finally,

1.  That there will be evidence that I have, not unlike much of the American public, swallowed a whole bunch of hooey, such as:

No, no, no, not the cereal, per se (which admittedly I DID love), but the claim that the "sugary sweet cereal [will give the consumer] 100% of the minimum daily requirements of vitamins and iron established by the U.S. Government."