What President Obama should REALLY say to Congress tonight in his State of the Union Address

From the final verse of "Loves Me Like a Rock":

"Who do...
Who do you think your fooling?
I got the Presidential Seal
I'm up on the Presidential Podium
My mama loves
She loves me
She gets down on her knees and hugs me
And she loves me like a rock
She rocks me like the rock of ages
and she loves me!"

President Obama's Afghanistan Time Frame

From today's New York Times:

"However officials said that Mr. Obama in his speech will give a time frame — something Mr. Bush did not do —for when the United States will start pulling the reinforcements out and begin turning over security responsibilities to Afghan forces one province at a time."

I believe what he'll say in his speech tonight is :

We'll be pulling out of Afghanistan as soon as it has universal health care!

Blame it on Rio...

...when President Obama's bid for the Olympics loses.

Rio: Correct hemisphere, new continent.

Not even Oprah can stop this from happening.

Have we really gotten to NIMKS (not in my kid's school)!?!

Who'd have thought that American political "debate" (and I use that term very loosely) would ever reach the point of people's objecting to a President's addressing school children?

Now, there's no doubt that critics of President Bush would have had a field day imagining how he might send all sorts of bad messages to our impressionable youth with his mangled syntax and fractured pronunciation, but I'd be hard pressed to think of any sane person/pundit who'd object to the idea of W's talking directly to them or to his asking them the decidedly innocuous question, "How can you help me?" (Feel free to link to anything that might refute this statement, but, no, Michael Moore isn't a sane pundit.)

Here's hoping that New Britain schools do take the opportunity to have my kids hear the President. Will it be life-changing? No. Will it be worth a half hour? Of course.

Now, here are the top 5 things the President probably shouldn't say during Wednesday's address to American school children:

5. "Send me your favorite Dick Cheney joke."

4. "Hey, kids, 'borrow' your parent's credit card and make a donation to Moveon.org."

3. "At my signal , start banging on your desks and shouting: 'What do we want? Health Reform! When do we want it? Now!'"

2. "The history of Socialism is a long and noble one..."

1. "Pssst. Wanna know a secret? I'm not an American citizen! Hee. Hee. Hee."

And, on the 71st day, the President said...

Chrysler fiat

Let there be Chrysler!

From President Obama's statement on the GM/Chrysler restucturing/bailout:

"...The situation at Chrysler is more challenging. It's with deep reluctance but also a clear-eyed recognition of the facts that we've determined, after careful review, that Chrysler needs a partner to remain viable. Recently, Chrysler reached out and found what could be a potential partner -- the international car company Fiat, where the current management team has executed an impressive turnaround. Fiat is prepared to transfer its cutting-edge technology to Chrysler and, after working closely with my team, has committed to build -- building new fuel-efficient cars and engines right here in the United States. We've also secured an agreement that will ensure that Chrysler repays taxpayers for any new investments that are made before Fiat is allowed to take a majority ownership stake in Chrysler.

Still, such a deal would require an additional investment of taxpayer dollars, and there are a number of hurdles that must be overcome to make it work. I'm committed to doing all I can to see if a deal can be struck in a way that upholds the interests of American taxpayers. And that's why we'll give Chrysler and Fiat 30 days to overcome these hurdles and reach a final agreement -- and we will provide Chrysler with adequate capital to continue operating during that time. If they are able to come to a sound agreement that protects American taxpayers, we will consider lending up to $6 billion to help their plan succeed. But if they and their stakeholders are unable to reach such an agreement, and in the absence of any other viable partnership, we will not be able to justify investing additional tax dollars to keep Chrysler in business."

An Unpublished Letter to the Hartford Courant from 11/5/08, the day AFTER the election

To the Editor:

With the election of Barack Obama, the citizens of Connecticut and the entire United States have expressed a clear desire for change – a change not only from the policies of the current administration but a break from the past. Here’s hoping real change begins now.

I therefore ask the new larger Democratic majority in the Senate (an increased majority that by all accounts owes its larger numbers to the coattails of the President-elect) to clean up its own backyard by 1) curtailing severely the powers of the Senior Senator from Connecticut as result of his boffo performance as “watchdog” prior to the recent economic crisis, and 2) unseating our Junior Senator of any and all power positions he currently holds for his ridiculously self-serving actions. (How sadly predictable it was to read recently in the Courant that he might warm to an Obama presidency!)

I also ask the Connecticut State Democratic Party to hasten the grooming of two promising candidates to oppose Senators Dodd and Lieberman when each is up for re-election. Upon their replacement in the Senate, any short-term loss of “influence” will be more than compensated by a renewed faith in Connecticut’s senatorial delegation.

As much as we Democrats may wish to do so, the pitiful state of our country’s economy, foreign policy, and international prestige cannot all be laid at the feet of the previous administration. Let’s take an honest look at ourselves first to help affect the true difference that President-elect Obama embodies.

Let real change begin now.

My "Bucket List" (Part I)

Not in any particular order:

Get my Dominican cousin to inject me with boli

Get a Dominican cousin with whom I'm comfortable enough to drop my pants for

Write a book on British singer Matt Monro

Re-subscribe to Mad Magazine

Get hired to be the non-famous member of the pair of hosts in a Time/Life music infomercial

Meet Phil Donahue and/or Elvis Costello

Write the liner notes for a John Wesley Harding cd

Get my share of the Obama stimulus plan

A Portrait of the President as a Young Man?

Have you heard about the newly discovered painting that some are saying is our new President when he was younger?

Former members of the Bush administration are already criticizing him for not wearing a coat and tie when he posed.

Relatedly, my favorite Presidential portrait of ALL time is that of Richard M. Nixon painted by Norman Rockwell.

Love him or hate him...his portrait is FABULOUS!

Quick Takes

1) Kennedy bows out of NY Senate Race

Caroline, We Hardly Knew Ye!

2) Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma Finger-Sync at the Inaguration

The New Milli Vanilli?

3) Obama to Close Gitmo and Find New Home for Prisoners

50 States unanimously shout "NIMBY!"

4) 4.1 Billion Dollars in Bonuses at Merrill Lynch

Yeah, but, remember, they have to pay for their own parking

5) Disgraceful 100-0 Girls Basketball Rout

Winning coach explains he was simply aiming for

a "year-end bonus at Merrill Lynch"