Top five things I WILL NOT do during my potential audition with Kelly Ripa

...since I've just learned that Ms. Ripa suffers from Misophonia, a rare disorder that causes her to become enraged when she hears someone chewing, slurping or swallowing.

5.  Chew Marukawa, the fruity Japanese gum that my daughters love and that they always get when we visit the various eateries owned by their Aunt and Uncle in Columbus, OH (Thai on High, Nida's Sushi, and Best of the Wurst)

4.  Eat a peanut butter sandwich on Wonder Bread, even though, if I remember correctly, "helps build strong bodies twelve ways"

3.  Have a Slurpee, which I've just learned you can get free on May 23rd at 7-11

2.  Allow Kelly to do this again (and certainly engage in such behavior myself!):

And the number one thing I WILL NOT do during my potential audition with Kelly Ripa is 

Swallow hard when I realize I'm auditioning with KELLY RIPA!