Joe Paterno, please call John Wesley Harding...

...he has a brand new song that's perfect for...er...how shall we say, your "situation."

I wasn't there.

I didn't see.

You'd be wasting precious time on me.

I didn't know.

It wasn't me.

Can I help with your inquiry?

You can bring me in for questioning,

But let me be quite clear:

I wasn't there;

I didn't see;

I didn't know;

It wasn't me;

I didn't cheat;

I didn't lie;

I have a perfect alibi...

John Wesley Harding, "The Harding Defense"

(bonus track from The Sound of His Own Voice)