9. That the "choreography" consisted of high-fiving and lying on one's back atop someone else who was crawling on the floor on all fours
8. The cast's insistence on rubbing the hair of the audience members in the first few rows of the orchestra section. (And, no, I wasn't jealous of them because I have little hair and was in the mezzanine.)
7. That we were somehow supposed to believe that the man who played "Berger" just got thrown out of high school when he seemed plainly older than the oldest cast members of Disney's High School Musical and the original 90210 combined. (Or the poor young lad simply has overactive glands!)
6. There wasn't a SINGLE tap dance number.
5. I couldn't find anything resembling a plot until 25 minutes in (trust me, I checked my watch!)...and even THAT modicum of plot was decidedly sketchy.
4. There were forty (?!?!) "musical numbers," a number that approaches the range of the ridiculously long New Britain YWCA dance recitals.
3. Most of the 40 (?!?!) "musical numbers" were hardly numbers at all but rather the loose scribblings of the drafts of songs. Most didn't last more than 90 seconds, and Ira Gershwin RIGHT NOW could whip up a better lyric.
2. When we arrived the two people in the adjoining seats were busy with their hand-held devices, and I feared I'd have to say something about turning them off. (They did at the proper time...unfortunately for me because, about 10 minutes in, I would have loved the distraction of watching something else.)
1. I simply cannot for the life of me figure out why they all (well, except Aquarius) took off their clothes at the end of Act I.
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