Wasn't it Juvenal who said, "In times like these, it's impossible NOT to write satire?"

What crossed my computer screen this morning during my radio show:

In keeping with national higher education practice and to provide clarity in roles and functions, the Office of Grants Administration has been renamed the Office of Post-Award Grants Administration. The responsibility of the office is to ensure compliance with the terms of various grants and contracts, and in particular with state and university regulations, after a grant is awarded. The Office maintains revenue and expenditure records for federal, state and local grants and prepares financial reports and statements for all external grant awards, and reports to the Associate Director of Accounting. The Office is also responsible for cash management of the federal and state financial aid programs.

The Office of Post-Award Grants Administration is located on the third floor of Marcus White Hall, Rooms 306 and 311, and the hours of operation are Monday through Friday 8 a.m.– 12 p.m. and 1 – 5 p.m...

Jack Miller
President


What I couldn't refrain from sending out this afternoon:

In keeping with international higher education practice and to provide clarity in roles and functions, the English Department has been renamed the Office of Words to Convince, Cajole, Threaten, Confuse, and Soothe in a Pre-Apocalyptic, Post-9/11 Global Village. The responsibility of the office is to ensure utter compliance (or at least complicity). The Office miscalculates all revenue, which makes preparing financial reports and statements really harrowing, and reports to an only slightly bemused Associate Dean of Arts and Sciences. The Office is also irresponsible in cash management.

The Office of Words to Convince, Cajole, Threaten, Confuse, and Soothe in a Pre-Apocalyptic, Post-9/11 Global Village is located (but only temporarily until the renovation) on the third floor of Emma Hart Willard Hall, Rooms 303 and 304, and the hours of operation are Monday through Friday (when the staff is not furloughed).

Gil Gigliotti
Chair